Create Magical Connections
Updated: Apr 29, 2022
Have you ever found yourself spilling your soul to someone you barely know because you feel a deep and instantaneous bond within hours of meeting them?
Whether it leads to friendship, professional opportunities, or romance, that type of bond is what Click: The Magic of Instant Connections aims to examine. From what leads us to feel this magic to what you can do to increase the frequency of having these connections, Ori and Rom Brafman give us examples of studies that back up their anecdotal success stories.
Should you read it?
The book’s main points have been summarized below and to be honest, aren’t very surprising. It is mostly common sense BUT like with anything you are learning, the longer and more effort you put into reading, reflecting on, and practicing, the more successful you’ll likely be able to apply the information.
Personally, I would instead read the summary of the main points and try to imagine professional and personal situations where you can apply this information. Challenge yourself to use the information the next time you meet someone new or someone you’d like to connect deeper with.
Magic Analysis
We all know how wonderful it can feel when you instantly connect with someone but does it last? Does it actually make for better relationships?
The short answer is yes.
These moments of feeling connected release dopamine, the happy drug, into the brain. Outside of relationships, you may have also felt this magical feeling in work or sports where everything else fades away and you are in the zone or in flow.
This feeling of magic, or dopamine release, continues into the relationship with married couples, friends, and workmates claiming that decades later, there is still the element of magic and flow when they are together.
In fact, the click means we perform at our best selves, and are more likely to be honest, direct, and work out disagreements in a productive manner.
Recreate the Magic
So if these intense connections are so important, what can we do to get more of the sweet sweet dopamine?
Let’s Get Physical-ly Close
I’m sure most of us felt this when the pandemic hit. Even though we loved rolling out of bed and into a zoom call in our PJs, we missed bumping into our teammates at the water cooler. We felt isolated comparatively even though we were in virtual meetings all day long.
You are more likely to make a connection with someone you are sitting next to than the one who is two seats away. You are more likely to make a connection with someone you are meeting face to face than on a zoom call.
Even just being in the vicinity of people makes you more attractive and trustworthy to the subconscious, as a study in the book notes. Hanging out in the area that you want
Get Vulnerable
If you think about the deepest relationships you have, they are likely the relationships you’ve gotten most vulnerable in.
In our day-to-day relationships, we are less likely to share these deep thoughts. Partially because it can come across as weak and unprofessional and partially because it can become emotionally exhausting. However, getting vulnerable can get you close quickly.
Humans are reciprocal creatures. If you compliment me, I will feel compelled to compliment you back. If I share something vulnerable, you are likely to do the same.
BAM
We are closer than some friends who only talk about sports stats.
Get in the zone
If you are feeling good, those around are more likely to join you. That means if you are in the zone and present in your conversations, you’ll draw other people to you as well. Deep connections are formed when both people listen to each other's words and non-verbal cues.
Find More Similarities
Whether you both have the same name or if you went to the same country for your gap year, the similarity makes you ‘in’ with the other person. Humans are tribal so similarities make us instantly friends rather than an outsider.
The funny thing is, it doesn’t matter if the similarity is shallow or deep, the importance is in quantity rather than quality.
Suffer Together
Some of the strongest bonds I have forged in my lifetime were those formed under terrible work conditions. The stress brought us together and we leaned on each other to cope and get through together.
Overcoming a challenge or adversity together can bring you together which explains the strange team-building exercises I’ve experienced in the past.
Be Aware
Some people have more instantaneous deep connections with others and when they were studied, it was found that they were all high self-monitors. They naturally match their conversational counterpart’s emotions, from their tone, volume, body language, and facial expressions.
Mirroring their body language and speaking patterns will make them feel more comfortable subconsciously and give you another similarity to work off of.
Practical Applications: Instructions
So you got the golden nuggets of information, now it’s time to apply. For each of the 6 tips above, come up with at least one way you can apply it in a professional setting and a personal setting.
Let's Get Physical-ly Close
Get Vulnerable
Get in the zone
Find More Similarities
Suffer Together
Be Aware
Stop here!
Continue below for examples I've come up with but only once you've come up with your own ideas.
Practical Applications of Click
Let's Get Physical-ly Close
Professional Application: Turn on the camera for Zoom Call. Even if it takes a little longer to be camera-ready, being visible makes for deeper connections.
Personal Application: Sit next to a stranger at the next dinner party. Choosing to sit next to someone you want to know better will give you an opportunity to do so.
Get Vulnerable
Professional Application: Answer “How are you?” honestly. I’m stealing this from a friend but the first time he answered this question honestly, it changed how I approached the question. His answer was a contemplative pause followed by, “I’m doing better. I had a fight with my mom who is visiting but we talked it out and I feel like I understand her more.”
Personal Application: Share an embarrassing story. The story that keeps you up some nights is likely very human, making it relatable for your listener.
Get in the zone
Professional Application: Invite others to lunch. Take advantage of the days you feel social by inviting others to a coffee break or lunch together.
Personal Application: Share a Hobby. When people are talking passionately about something they love, they light up. Talking about something you love will get you in the zone.
Just don’t overdo it and talk for too long!
Find More Similarities
Professional Application: Introduce with a CTA, all to action. When you introduce yourself to your new workmates, drop in a few fun facts as well as an opportunity to connect.
Example: Hey, I’m Erika. I’m from Canada but I’ve lived in Korea, Vietnam, and Indonesia. I’ll be joining the team as a UX designer and I look forward to getting to know you all. If you need anything work-related or if you need to know the best taco spots in town, I’d be happy to help.
Personal Application: Ask Questions. The fastest way to learn more about a person is by asking them to talk. If you find any similarities, point them out then follow up with more questions.
Suffer Together
Professional Application: Off-Sites Events. If work is a fun environment, bring your team together by doing something trying together. Rock climbing, woodworking, or karaoke, challenging yourselves, and learning different sides of yourselves can bring you closer.
Personal Application: Get Fit Together. Whether it be a diet or a new CrossFit class, taking the journey together will keep both of you accountable and you can vent one step closer to a deeper connection.
Be Aware
Professional Application: Mirror Body Language. Next time you are in a group meeting, mirror the body language you are trying to get closer to. Sit next to them for added bonus.
Personal Application: Match Volume. Next time you are at a noisy bar, match the person you are with. Do they want to talk quietly into your ear and lean in or do they want to yell across the table and laugh loudly? Match it.
Conclusion
So what did you come up with that was different from the above examples? Share any of your top ideas!
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