Apr 12, 20226 min read

Create Magical Connections

Updated: Apr 29, 2022

Have you ever found yourself spilling your soul to someone you barely know because you feel a deep and instantaneous bond within hours of meeting them?

Whether it leads to friendship, professional opportunities, or romance, that type of bond is what Click: The Magic of Instant Connections aims to examine. From what leads us to feel this magic to what you can do to increase the frequency of having these connections, Ori and Rom Brafman give us examples of studies that back up their anecdotal success stories.

Should you read it?

The book’s main points have been summarized below and to be honest, aren’t very surprising. It is mostly common sense BUT like with anything you are learning, the longer and more effort you put into reading, reflecting on, and practicing, the more successful you’ll likely be able to apply the information.

Personally, I would instead read the summary of the main points and try to imagine professional and personal situations where you can apply this information. Challenge yourself to use the information the next time you meet someone new or someone you’d like to connect deeper with.

Magic Analysis

We all know how wonderful it can feel when you instantly connect with someone but does it last? Does it actually make for better relationships?

The short answer is yes.

These moments of feeling connected release dopamine, the happy drug, into the brain. Outside of relationships, you may have also felt this magical feeling in work or sports where everything else fades away and you are in the zone or in flow.

This feeling of magic, or dopamine release, continues into the relationship with married couples, friends, and workmates claiming that decades later, there is still the element of magic and flow when they are together.

In fact, the click means we perform at our best selves, and are more likely to be honest, direct, and work out disagreements in a productive manner.

Recreate the Magic

So if these intense connections are so important, what can we do to get more of the sweet sweet dopamine?

Let’s Get Physical-ly Close

Stadium seat with 3 people sitting next to each other.

I’m sure most of us felt this when the pandemic hit. Even though we loved rolling out of bed and into a zoom call in our PJs, we missed bumping into our teammates at the water cooler. We felt isolated comparatively even though we were in virtual meetings all day long.

You are more likely to make a connection with someone you are sitting next to than the one who is two seats away. You are more likely to make a connection with someone you are meeting face to face than on a zoom call.

Even just being in the vicinity of people makes you more attractive and trustworthy to the subconscious, as a study in the book notes. Hanging out in the area that you want

Get Vulnerable

If you think about the deepest relationships you have, they are likely the relationships you’ve gotten most vulnerable in.

In our day-to-day relationships, we are less likely to share these deep thoughts. Partially because it can come across as weak and unprofessional and partially because it can become emotionally exhausting. However, getting vulnerable can get you close quickly.

Humans are reciprocal creatures. If you compliment me, I will feel compelled to compliment you back. If I share something vulnerable, you are likely to do the same.

BAM

We are closer than some friends who only talk about sports stats.

Get in the zone

If you are feeling good, those around are more likely to join you. That means if you are in the zone and present in your conversations, you’ll draw other people to you as well. Deep connections are formed when both people listen to each other's words and non-verbal cues.

Find More Similarities

Whether you both have the same name or if you went to the same country for your gap year, the similarity makes you ‘in’ with the other person. Humans are tribal so similarities make us instantly friends rather than an outsider.

The funny thing is, it doesn’t matter if the similarity is shallow or deep, the importance is in quantity rather than quality.

Suffer Together

Some of the strongest bonds I have forged in my lifetime were those formed under terrible work conditions. The stress brought us together and we leaned on each other to cope and get through together.

Overcoming a challenge or adversity together can bring you together which explains the strange team-building exercises I’ve experienced in the past.

Be Aware

Some people have more instantaneous deep connections with others and when they were studied, it was found that they were all high self-monitors. They naturally match their conversational counterpart’s emotions, from their tone, volume, body language, and facial expressions.

Mirroring their body language and speaking patterns will make them feel more comfortable subconsciously and give you another similarity to work off of.

Practical Applications: Instructions

So you got the golden nuggets of information, now it’s time to apply. For each of the 6 tips above, come up with at least one way you can apply it in a professional setting and a personal setting.

Let's Get Physical-ly Close
Get Vulnerable
Get in the zone
Find More Similarities
Suffer Together
Be Aware

Stop here!

Continue below for examples I've come up with but only once you've come up with your own ideas.

Practical Applications of Click

Let's Get Physical-ly Close

Professional Application: Turn on the camera for Zoom Call. Even if it takes a little longer to be camera-ready, being visible makes for deeper connections.

Personal Application: Sit next to a stranger at the next dinner party. Choosing to sit next to someone you want to know better will give you an opportunity to do so.